Earth Mama Cometh

I did this.  I made homemade baby food for Miss Maddie. And she loved it.  I feel so empowered as a Mom that I did this.  That she is doing so well and gaining weight and eating so well.

It's nearly six months since our peanut changed our lives forever.  At the beginning of those six months, she couldn't eat enough.  So much so that she had to have a feeding tube.  In the grand scale of newborn or preemie issues, this wasn't catastrophic, but it was terribly difficult to see.  To see her with that little tube in her nose so she could get the nourishment she needed was hard. 

I definitely struggled with the preemie guilt that I've heard of on many mom blogs.  I felt incredibly guilty that I couldn't keep her longer, that I couldn't provide the warm, safe and needed environment for her to grow bigger.  For her to have the strength she needed.  For her to be larger than the 3 lb., 3 oz. perfect doll that she was.

But we are so lucky.  She is strong.  She is amazing and she is mine. The guilt will never completely go away, but I understand what we went through and know that the best decisions were made at the time. and she's here and incredible and we love her so much.

I'm not the overzealous, all organic, cloth diapers only mother, but I am incredibly proud to say that I made her food. I know we'll use some of the prepared stuff as we go forward, but I had bought a book on baby's first foods and purees and it sounded pretty easy.  And I have a food processor that doesn't get as much use as it should so... baby food.  I'm having a mini "Baby Boom" moment this evening,, but let's not get carried away just yet.  I'm certainly not moving to Vermont.  And if you don't get the reference, please rent "Baby Boom" soon. She did love the butternut squash puree too.   *sigh*

Happiness.

Hold On...

Ten tiny toes

No this is not a blog about the amazing 90's sensation Wilson Phillips and their hit "Hold On" - which made a fabulous and entertaining cameo in the movie Bridesmaids. 

 Hold on - don't go so fast.  I know these are the words that I will be saying a lot of in the many years to come with my little one.  They're already so true.

We worked so hard at the beginning to get her to grow. To encourage her to eat so she would put on weight...first so the feeding tube could come out...then to gain weight so she could go home...then so we hoped they wouldn't send her back once we had her home...now to keep healthy.  And wow, has she caught on.  She's amazing to me each day - growing and stretching and reaching each milestone so much faster than I ever anticipated. 

She now thinks she's ready to walk. No interest in crawling or figuring that out, but let her stand in your arms and she's happy as a clam.  Let her push against you with her tiny, delicate toes and she'll smile all day.  But wait...too soon...that means you'll walk soon and I know we're not ready for that.  That means baby proofing and cabinet locks and moving all kinds of stuff out of your reach...but it means you're walking.  That you'll be running on a playground and meeting other kids and learning and loving and living and I want all of that for you, but wait!  You're still my little one that was so, so very little and I want every second with you.  Every moment of precious giggles and coos and smiles and even the tears and cries and stinky moments.

I know all that lies ahead of letting you go - your first day of school, being a teenager, oh God, driving and then graduations and college and so much more.  Watching you grow and learn and make mistakes and being here for you, but also letting you make those mistakes.

But for now, I'm going to keep cuddling and cherishing every second with you.  Every moment you smile and shine so brightly and when you wrap your so tiny fingers around my one finger to hold yourself up - those moments, I'm going to hold on to.

The Whisker Mystery

There was mystery afoot this weekend...followed by humor and mild blond jokes.  Would you have been able to solve our diabolical occurrence based on these clues?

My lovely little daughter is a cuddler.  Which is a marvelous blessing and just so much fun.  The other day, my darling husband helped out by letting me sleep a little bit extra in the morning and caring for our baby girl.  He carried her around using the Baby Bjorn (amazing invention).  Able to go about his morning routine of walking the puppy, watering the plants and some basic hygiene, he felt quite accomplished. 

Shortly after he'd settled in for the morning, I woke up.  I joined him for breakfast and then he wanted to shower.  I took over baby duty and was snuggling my little one in our bedroom. Suddenly, black flakes appeared on her forehead.  I brushed them away.  Then, there were more still.  I checked my shirt and shoulder to see what I could possible be inflicting my child with. Nothing, no flakes anywhere but her forehead...and her head.  Her little head was covered in these black speckles throughout her lovely locks.  What could they be?  *Gasp* had she and the dog gotten fleas?!  Surely not.  Are they bugs?  What horrible malady has inflicted my child?! 

(As you may have guessed by now, I'm a first time mom.)  I rushed my stricken child, who was giggling at Mommy's silly faces at this time, into the bathroom desperate to consult my husband.  He is bewildered by my explanation of bugs and flakes.  I share that they're all over her hair and they're tough to get off.  Suddenly, my husband chuckles. *Double gasp!* What could be humorous about this situation?  What horrible realization has come to him that has caused him to go mad with worry?

"That was me," he shares. 
"What?" I ask, still in desperate concern.
"No, that was me...I shaved this morning."
"Oh."

Yes, my husband had shaved, over our daughter while she was in the Bjorn and had rained down tiny little black hairs that appeared as flakes or itty bitty bugs.  My panic abated, disaster averted.  She's fine and now she really needed a bath. 

Columbo or Matlock?  Who needs them really?